feelings

feelings
by lanya morris










i feel so separated
lost in a whirlpool of feelings
struggling to find my way out
of a vortex of emotions






you think you know
you always think you know
what i am like




the person i am
the real one
is only shown
in certain places
most definitely not while i'm with you




i wear a mask everywhere






you think you know
what i am thinking
and confront me with words and opinions
so harsh
so sharp
so precise
that they could slice a flying bullet
neatly into half











i know you care for me
and sometimes
you do show it




otherwise
you treat me
like i'm a piece of unwanted garbage
a child that was never meant to be





i know
my ____ never loved me


when i was born
this were her words:
this child is sure to cause problems
(yi ding you wen ti)







and some people
who dont care for the unwanted trash like me
do not hesitate to reply the exact same words
again and again
like spoilt clockwork mouse














we are so close yet so far











and i'll never be able to shed my mask
when i'm with you
wherever i go



























~beat~
loving God